Processing Grief Through Magick
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“Your name is upon my tongue. Your image is in my sight. Your memory is in my heart. Where can I send these words that I write?”
The past couple years have been difficult ones. Almost everyone I know has lost someone. In 2021, three of my close family members passed away. I suddenly found myself in a much diminished family circle. The sense of loss was crushing. Add to personal loss the suffering of national and global heartbreaks, and the world starts to look pretty bleak.
This thing called grief
If you are a being in this world, you undoubtedly have known some flavor of trauma, grief, or heartbreak. These feelings and experiences are a part of what we consider it to be human. Feelings of loss and isolation can be at times shattering, but if we are brave, open, and aware we can use the process of grief to learn a bit about ourselves and grow through the process.
Grief can be fresh and raw, and it can be lingering and dull, reluctant to be released. We may repress our sorrow, pushing it away and out of sight. We may choose to avoid and turn away from our grief. It’s still there. We still have to go through it. Eventually. We can’t go over, under, or around it: we have to go through it. Magick can light our way and guide us.
As witches, we have developed a long tradition of spells, rituals, and herbal knowledge to support the process of grief and heartbreak. One of the first steps is understanding the many paths of support needed to address the long list of ways in which we grieve. This may include coping with physical pain and symptoms, brooding, despair, depression, loneliness, longing, apathy, anxiety, poor appetite, insomnia, stress, and a sense of scarcity of love and support.
Herbs for grief
Using grounding herbs helps draw us into the present moment, a place without our whirling thoughts and questions. Herbal preparations such as baths, teas, tinctures, oils, washes and sprays, and aromatic infusions can help sooth, ground, protect, and strengthen the spirit and physical body. Below is a list of some of my favorite herbs for grief.
Hawthorn is an essential ingredient in many spells for heartbreak and grieving. It assists us back to our bodies and grounds the soul which may have dissociated in its sorrow.
Borage is an age-old ally in spells for strength, courage, and confidence. It buoys us with its own strength and fearlessness.
Motherwort strengthens the heart and makes the mind cheerful, driving away melancholy. it can be used to create a metaphysical protective boundary in which we may feel safer, develop self-knowing, courage, and calm.
Rose is an age-old ally, known for an ability to impact the human experiences of love, desire, vulnerability, loss, and bereavement. In combination with more protective herbs, rose encourages the heart stay stay open and to not build emotional walls or cages.
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A ritual for grief
Recovering and processing grief takes its own time and its own path. But I’d like to offer you a spell in which you may find some support and healing. This is a multi-step ritual, so I encourage you to gather your materials and set aside a time to complete the entire ritual. I know how difficult motivation can be when in the depths of sorrow. The first part of the ritual is an acknowledgment of whatever is grieving you. The second part is for comfort and fortification of your spirit.
Part One
Gather the following items and set them up on your alter or space where you plan to perform the first part of the ritual:
special items such as photos, jewelry, or letters to symbolize what or whom you are grieving
A pen - I like a white gel pen
Fallen leaves large enough to write on, two of them
A fireproof bowl
Incense blend of motherwort, borage, and rose
Tweezers
Also gather the following items for part two of this ritual and have them ready in the bathroom.
Borage, rose, and linden in a cloth sachet or square of cloth, tied tightly closed
Almond oil and honey, mixed together in a small bowl - about 1 cup combined
Now for the ritual:
Cast a circle, honor the elements, and perform an opening to the ritual if so desired.
Light the black candle in honor of your grief. State aloud what you are grieving as you light it. Take a few moments here to breath deeply and feel whatever comes up.
Light the white candle and repeat aloud three times, “I hold on to love and let go of grief.”
Light the incense and again, take a few moments, breathing deeply.
Now, take a leaf and write, “I grieve because. . . “ offer that leaf to the black candle, allowing it to burn. Use tweezers to avoid singing your finger tips and allow the ashes to fall into the bowl.
Take the second leaf and write, “The pain in my heart will heal.” offer that leaf to the white candle and allow the ashes to fall into the bowl.
Sit in this space, watching the smoke and the candles for a long as you need to. Observe your thoughts and feelings, remembering to breath slowly and deeply.
Part Two
When you are done with part one of this ritual, run a hot bath over your herb sachet. When the tub is filled, untie the sachet and allow it to soak in the bath with you for at least 30 minutes until the water has grown tepid or cool. Sit with your thoughts, relax, and breath in the steam.
Drain the bath, run a shower, then taking the used sachet of herbs, scoop some of the honey oil mixture and scrub your body vigorously in quick firms strokes starting with the legs and arms and working towards the heart.
Rinse well, going forth in blessings and comfort.
